- People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
- Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
- It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
Acting up in Church
One Sabbath in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!"
Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals,
kept sticking her nose in the other members' private lives.
Church members were unappreciative of her activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member,
of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of
the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there
would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...
and left it there all night!
Money goes to Church
A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived
at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.
The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county.
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and
Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway,
and even a cruise to the Caribbean."
"Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church,
the Lutheran Church ...."
The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
- A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just! sitting on the premises.
Meeting of the Board
There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor.
After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for
the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst --
a visitor who had never attended their church before.
"My friend," said the pastor, "Didn't you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?"
"Yes," said the visitor, "and after today's sermon,
I suppose I'm just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting.
- Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
- God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
- I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?!